Peace, Passion and Perspective

There is only so much you can do before burnout is inevitable.  That is pretty much where I was the last time I posted here.  The break was much needed but much longer than I anticipated as well.  Although it was hard to completely remove myself I knew that I need to focus more on my first ministry, my family, and that was something I would not regret.  We feel that we can do it all but when we try nothing gets our full focus.

Feeling Anxious

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.”     Matthew 6:34a


The other morning as I got ready to spend time with the Lord, I felt concern about a situation.  A better way to describe my feeling is to say that I was anxious.  Anxious about what was happening or going to happen.  Anxious about the upcoming decision that needed to be made, when the time came.  Webster defines anxious as, "uneasiness of mind".  Well, I wanted to get rid of this feeling so I began to pray.

I began by quoting Philipians 4:6-7 which says, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

As I prayed I didn't feel much of a change.  To be honest with you, I didn’t feel any peace.  At least not yet.  I hoped that I would feel peace right away so that I could stop dwelling on my thoughts, but I didn’t.  I continued my time with God by reading my devotional reading for today.  The main focus of it was about worry and the key verse was Matthew 6:34.

I don’t always read this devotional but I love the fact that God knew that I needed something else I order to bring me the peace that I was seeking.  Thank you God!

Right now I can’t do anything about my situation but wait for it to play out.  As we have all experienced, the waiting is the hard part.  But while I wait, I have decided not to worry so that I can have peace. And I believe that many times the way to peace, starts with a choice.  If you don't already have a relationship with Christ, which is the key to peace, let that be you first choice .

Sheryll

In Need of Support

There are many people who are in need of help in some shape or form but won’t ask because it is viewed in their minds as a sign of weakness.  We feel as if we must press forward even when we are struggling because we should be able to handle whatever we are facing on our own.

My Clothes Are Shrinking

Isn't that our first thought when we put something on and it doesn't fit the way it used to or maybe even at all?  That is the reason I gave for my "skinny" jeans, my regular jeans and my dresses not fitting.  Now my tops have turned on me too.  I checked the scale which hasn't seem to change or has it been slowly changing and I didn't notice.  When I had my physical this past December my doctor pointed out that I had gained weight.  According to her, 10lbs in one year.  When I told my friends that, they looked at me and asked "where".  As in, where have I gained weight. But I know. The proof is in the pants that I couldn't button the other day once I finally got them past my thighs.  TMI?  Just being real.

Rest, Refocus and Recenter

Rest, re-focus and re-center.  For the past month or so this has been my goal.


Resting from all the activity of this past fall and spring.  I didn't realize how overwhelmed and busy I was until I finally stopped.


Re-focusing on my family, my first ministry.  I seemed to have for gotten that with all the busyness of the year.


Last but not least, re-centering.  I have placed God back in the center of my life where He should be.  Many people will tell you that a sure fire way to lose sight of Him is to have too much going on.


In the fall, all the activities will start up again, but after this much needed break I hope to be ready.  I will remember the mistakes I made: not resting, not focusing an most importantly not centering and I will do the opposite instead.  I will also try to remember to take each day one at a time keeping in mind the following verse:


"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today."  Matthew 6:34




Sheryll

Even Though She is Gone

I can’t believe that she is gone and it’s easy for people to say that I will carry on. They even attempt to say that You knew best.
They say it was in Your plan and that they know what I am going through. Many even say that they understand.
Well why is it that I can’t find peace and although I try, I can’t find rest.
What is Your reason for what I am going through? What is the purpose of this test?
When I think about what wasn’t said and all that I should have done.
I think about all the time we could have spent together each time I see the sun.
I can’t help but think that I should have been there when she needed me,
to hold her hand or just sit and talk; God I often feel guilty.


Ease you mind my child. Eventually it will be okay. Don’t think about what you could have or should have done. Don’t think about what you didn’t say.
It’s okay to cry at times and grieve if you must. But continue to rely on Me as you were taught and in Me put your trust.
I am here for you, even though you can’t see. Feel me with your heart and know that I can be; all that you need, I can be your friend. You can talk to me when you are hurting. On Me you can depend.
Though your mother is gone and physically out of your sight,
you can still talk to her as you always have and it will be alright.
Tell her about every new experience and each new exciting thing that you would normally share. For although you can’t see her, she sees you; and just like me, she will always be there. I love you!


Sheryll

Life Around Here

I feel like I haven't written anything in ages.  I keep having these inspirational moments so I jot something down and that is as far as it goes.  I enjoy writing and just knew that this blog would be something my husband would have to tear away from me.  However, my focus has actually not been on me, so I haven't had time to write.  Because we should try to do something that fulfills us daily, I decided that I would aim for 5 minutes of writing even if nothing gets posted.  Well I had that goal set days ago and I haven't done it until now. As I began to write this I realized that I have been fulfilled with meeting the needs of my family or at least trying.

Life is slowing down around here.  The home school group that we are a part of is done for the school year. In addition to that the bible study classes at our church that I am in charge of organizing are ending as well.  In a couple of weeks I will be free from all outside obligations other than working part time.  I am really looking forward to this.  You don't realize how fast you have been going until you begin to slow down. Over the past two years I have felt like I was on a roller coaster.  Busyness is the name of the roller coaster and I don't even know why I agreed to ride it.  I am sure that I didn't think it would be as bad as it was.  However, I feel as if I am quickly moving and then slowing down just enough to round the next curve.  Busyness has caused me to lose sight of what really mattered and that is my ministry in my home.

Being a wife and a mom not to mention homeschooling is a huge responsibility and I wasn't looking at it that way.  I figured I could get by just doing the basics but pretty soon you minimize even that.  Well that is about to change.  I have realized that the years I am blessed to be home with my boys are crucial and I need to limit how much I do outside my home so that I can be fully present when I am at home.  You see, everything we agree to do takes time away from other things.  It doesn't matter how big or how small, it takes time. What I am starting to do is decide what is truly worth my time.  I need to decide how what I say yes to will affect my ability to fulfill my responsibilities to my husband, kids and our home.  These are my first areas of ministry.  These are the first places God called me to and if being somewhere else causes disruption with those areas then I need to decide what is more important, for me.

Some of the steps I am taking to help me learn to slow down and just "be" has been by reading a book titled, "Sacred Rhythms".  I am being mentored while going through this book and being taught what it means to be silent before God and to listen for Him to speak.  These silent moments have also taught me how to manage the daily stressful moments of being a mom.  But it all starts with time with God before I start my day.  Now by nature I am a talker so being silent isn't easy because my brain keeps going.  But I set a timer for 5min (my goal is to build up to more time) and then I just sit there in slience.  Sometimes I say things like, "Here I am Lord" or "Speak to me Lord".  Sometime He does and sometimes He doesn't but the point is to be available and to be open to hearing Him speak.  I will post more, later, about my journey through these spiritual practices or disciplines as they are called.  

Another thing I am doing is listening to an audio book called "Getting Things Done" by David Allen.  I chose to do an audio book so that I wouldn't have another book to read.  I listen to it during my drive to work.  This book is teaching me how to get control of the chaos that I have been feeling around me.  It shows you how to get a better handle on your "stuff" as he calls it which includes both mental stuff and physical stuff.  Through this "GTD" process things around me are being simplified.  I will be talking about this more later as well.  The book is giving me the motivation I need to deal with all the clutter I produce.  Once mommy has her things in place I can train the troops.  Hopefully they will grow up with a practice of keeping things in order but not being anal.  You gotta have a little flexibility or else you get overwhelmed.

The last thing I have been doing is trying be practice Sabbath which is setting aside a day to rest.  This is a challenge for me so I am starting by trying to have a slower more restful day once a week.  I work weekends so the day I chose is Monday.  We take the day off from school and I do minimal chores.  I plan to talk about this more in a later post.

I am trying to model these things instead of saying, "do as I say and not as I do"; but this is hard.  Well I think that's about it for now. You are caught up with what been going on around here.

TTYL,

    Sheryll

Postpartum Depression: You Are Not Alone

I am the mom of three awesome boys ages 5, 7 and 8 ½.  My husband and I have been married for almost 10yrs now and the first 6yrs of our marriage we were either expecting a baby or being the proud parents of one.  We always waited until delivery to discover whether God had blessed us with a boy or a girl.  Mainly because my husband liked the idea of surprise and had I known it would have shown all over my face. I am sure it would have also been evident the items that I would have purchased and placed in the closet.  Although I love being a mom I do have my challenges as do all moms.  Not many of us become moms knowing how to do this.  For some there is a lot of anxiety once they discover that they are pregnant whether planned or not.  This was the case with our third child.

I was very happy to be expecting him and then reality set in that I would seriously have my hands full.  I started to doubt my ability to care for three children and was often nervous about it.  After he was born I was put on bed rest for 2 weeks due to a slightly difficult recovery from giving birth.  I am not the type of person to just rest so this was a challenge for me.  However, with my husband, my mom and my mother-in-law helping I was able to do so.  After a few months I thought I had a pretty good handle on things.  At times I would feel overwhelmed but was still doing ok, or so I thought.

I recall one day just needing space and wanting a break.  I don’t think many moms realize that they are bordering burnout until it really hits you.  I didn’t tell my husband that I was struggling because I didn't think I was doing so badly.  This was my first mistake.  In addition to that, I was a mom and I was supposed to be able to handle three kids on little sleep, right? Anyway, I called my mother-in-law and asked her if she could take the kids.  I can’t remember if I tried my mom or not first and didn’t call my husband because I didn’t want to be a bother.  This was my second mistake.  I can’t say this strongly enough, our husbands can’t meet needs that they are not aware we have.

So my mother-in-law said that she would take my boys and I immediately got their things together and got them into the car.  On the drive there I began crying and I felt that something was really wrong with me so I called my best friend who is a physician and she suggested that I make an appointment with my doctor and talk to my husband.  I made the appointment and planned to talk to my husband once I returned home.  We talked and he expressed that I need to communicate with him when something was wrong and I agreed.  It was just hard to do that at first because I felt that admitting I was having trouble meant that I was a failure as a mom.

Let me pause and say this: MOMS, we are not failures when we struggle, we are human! There is only so much you can do.  If you are a single mom find someone you can confide in that won’t judge you but will help you when you need it.  You can’t care for your kids when you aren't caring for yourself.

After meeting with my doctor she diagnosed me with Postpartum Depression and gave me a prescription for meds.  She told me that while my body adjusted to them, things may get worse before they get better.  This was not encouraging to me at all.  We consulted my Pastor's wife who was a retired pharmacist and she said that that she felt taking the medicine would not be a good idea for me.  My husband and I agreed and decided that this was not the right choice of treatment for me.  We chose to handle this on our own by me doing what I should have done initially which was to rely on him more.  I also knew that I needed to rely on God more.  Sometimes in the midst of dealing with life we forget how powerful and able God is.

Side note: I do believe that every woman has to make that decision for themselves.  And I have spoken with women who said that the medicine was a life saver.  So please be sure to consult your physician and people you trust when making your decision.

My husband and I worked out a plan for the next couple of months.  When I felt overwhelmed I told him and he would relieve my stress by coming home from work or talking me through it.  I thank God for him daily and for the blessing he is in my life.  Slowly but surely the worst had passed.  I would still feel down occasionally until my son was about 2yrs old but this was due to the high level of expectations that I placed on myself.  I am still learning to lower them to this day.

I wanted to share this with you because it is my desire that more women will know that they are not crazy; that the feelings they have are real; and that they need to be addressed if they want to experience the fullness and joy that God intended for us to have as moms.  I will be sharing my joys and my current struggles with you as well but I figured that if you knew my biggest struggle as a mom up front it would help you to know my heart.  Can I pray for you?

Dear Lord, being a mom is one of the best things that have ever happened to us but it is also one of the toughest jobs we will ever have.  It is our desire to love our kids unconditionally and give them our best, but there are often times that we struggle with this.  Lord help us to order our days so that we are not so busy and rushed that we don’t simply take time to breathe.  Help us to see the true joy that our children are even in the tuff times.  I pray God that you will impress on their hearts to give mommy a hug when she needs it the most and that You would whisper to us that the hug is from You, our Father who loves us the most.  I thank You Lord for bringing our children into our lives.  I pray that You would shape us into the moms that you have called us to be.  For those of us that are wives help us to remember that our husbands love our kids just as much as we do.  Help us to trust them more as fathers and believe that they are trying their best.  Place it upon our hearts to pray for our husbands as much as we pray for our kids remembering that we are wives first.  I love you Lord and I pray that you will continue to watch over the moms reading this.  I also pray that if they don’t have a relationship with you that they will repent from their sins and believe in Your son Jesus Christ and that He died on the cross for their sins.  I pray that they will ask Him to be the Lord (authority) of their life and that they will walk every day from now on after Him seeking to glorify Him in all they do and say.  I love You and I thank You for blessing me with a chance to share my life as a mom and my love for You with them.  In Jesus name I pray.  Amen

Love,
   Sheryll