Thursday, April 5, 2012

Marriage: Then and Now

As I mentioned on my "About Me" page, I am married to a very patient man. Most of the women I know who consider themselves loud and high energy (basically crazy), call their husbands patient. We figure that they have got to be in order to deal with us. LOL

Our first year of marriage, my husband and I often sat down and talked about how things were going. We still talk about our marriage now of course, but the conversation is different because we have grown. Back then, I was struggling with this whole wife and soon to be mom thing. He would try to help me figure out what was wrong but I didn't know. What I did know was that I was now married and pregnant. Have you ever woken up and thought, "when did this happen?" When did I become grown up enough to handle marriage and a baby?  When asked in high school about my career choice I said that I wanted to be a wife and a mom. Second to that was nursing. So don't get me wrong, I didn't have any regrets about where I now was in life. But what I was feeling was insecurity.

I eventually gained confidence in being a wife and a mom. I remembered all the things that I learned from my mom. I would also talk to my Pastor's wife about my new roll and ask my best friend's mom for advice. I read books on marriage, parenting and organization as well. I wanted to make sure I knew how to do this. In addition to all of those things I of course prayed daily. Fast forward to today and I am still not fully aware of how to do this marriage thing. What I do know is that I learn something new almost every day.

One thing that I have learned is how to handle our disagreements. First of all, I learned to pick my battles. Secondly, I learned to consult God when my husband and I didn't agree about something. I asked God to show me, me. I asked him to show me what I did or said that could have contributed to the disagreement. I needed God to change me and help me to see things through my husband's eyes. I needed to know what to do and where I went wrong. I needed to know what to say and what not to say. At times, I needed to know whether to say anything at all. I believe that sometimes God wants me to just be silent so that He can handle the situation. I have also learned that many of our disagreements are due to a misunderstanding. As you know, women and men speak two different languages and I had no idea what my husband was saying most of the time. I am sure he felt the same way. Actually, we still have a hard time understanding each other sometimes but now we can laugh about it.

The bottom line is that marriage is work and we decided that working at it is worth it. We learn more and more about each other every day. I have talked to people who have been married for over 30years and they say that you never stop learning. So here's to a life long education in marriage.

Mrs. Belonga


  1. Your loving sis :))April 5, 2012 at 5:08 PM

    Yay!!!! Well said... Can't wait to get married lol

  2. My dear friend, well said! "here's to life long education in marriage" so well worth it!